inside the wild jungle of scary gibberish that is my brain

I wonder how many people I’ve looked at all my life and never seen.

—John Steinbeck 

Seriously one of the funniest things I’ve seen in awhile.

Maybe not out of context - but this is my blog that I haven’t posted on in months, not yours so if you don’t find it funny you have terrible taste.

Do You Think That There’s a Cat Heaven?

There has to be right? Especially when the cat you had for over 15 years, who served as your best friend from the time you were 6 on up through the days she got sick and you left for college. Yeah, that’s right, I am admitting to my cat being my childhood best friend. She was my sister, my best friend, always at my side - or feet or on my face when I was trying to sleep. My baby. 

I still remember going to the humane society to get her when I was little. I had my eyes on a calico, a kitten that had a list. But, my dad saw Dutchess, picked her out, and we took her home instead. A little gray tabby cat with the prettiest green eyes. And my did I grow to love her. And she loved me. She only came to me, unless I convinced her that someone else was worthy of her affection too. Silly girl. Lately though, she’s been sick, and getting sicker every passing day. It broke my heart, and all I wanted to do was fix it. Make her better. But I couldn’t. There was nothing I could do and she just kept getting worse. 

And then I got the phone call. My dad on the other end letting me know, as I was walking across campus just after leaving a meeting with my former boss letting me know of my termination from my position. I marched straight to my human best friend, and forced back as many tears as I could. No one gets the whole crying over pets thing. It doesn’t carry as much weight as a family member. And even though every cries over losing their pets - I needed to be civil on campus. No need to freak strangers out….

So, naturally, I cried when I got home. Like the girl that I am. And I’m sure I will cry again when I go home again and call for her with no answer. I’m not looking forward to that. But I’m grateful, so grateful, for having such a little ball of forceful love in my life for so long. She grew up with me. And I love her so much. LOVE. Because cat heaven or not, I will carry her with me. And pray that the little kitten we have in our house now will grow up like her, beautiful and wonderful, and all around perfect. Time to wrap this up before I cry again - I just figured the right way to get back on this thing would be to honor my little baby for a moment.

RIP, Dutchess Marie!! I love you. 

this is the funniest thing I have seen in quite some time. 

this is the funniest thing I have seen in quite some time. 

Sky above
Earth below
Fire within.

Pretend for the Weekend

This post is going to be… I don’t know… possibly whiny. Possibly overbearing. Perhaps a tad snarky. I haven’t written it yet, so I honestly can’t say. But, I can assume it won’t be the most humorous or positive of posts as I have a great many things weighing on my mind. And not only am I debating which ones to talk about for my own sanity, but which ones to talk about on the internet to this invisible audience… one cannot simply talk about just anything to just anyone.


To get the ball rolling, I want to state again how badly I want a pet. I believe the lives of pets are short because they know how to love unconditionally from the beginning. Some little kid said that once and I agree. Science can bite me on this issue. So, basically I am saying I want some unconditional love from a pet. Preferably a dog. Just saying.

Speaking of love. I worry I do too much of it. I put my heart into a lot, mainly others. It gets pretty beat up. I think I’m having one of those days where I notice the scars. 

God, this is sounding so emo already. Well, might as well embrace it. Welcome back, 13 year old angsty Tashia, it’s been awhile —- go on.

Yes, scars. I’ve found the internet makes it entirely too easy for old wounds to pop up on your newsfeed and therefore stay on your mind for a few days. How many days have I spent trying to move forward without looking back? And this is why. 

And you’d think I’d have the sense to wait to have a slight breakdown until I get home to my friends, but no. I have to do it with just a few days left in this beautiful city that I am oh, so very alone in. Heavens.

21 year old me needs to come back now. Sorry, whiny Tashia, but big girl Tashia has shit to do. Whining put on hold. 

Jack's Mannequin

—There, There Katie

Thanks, Steph 


(Source: videohall, via theanimalblog)